“When your friend on stage nods to you, they’re saying: I see you. And I love you.”

(2–3 minute read)

Hey Reader,

Sorry this newsletter is coming a few hours late. I’m not a bot and I don’t have AI writing this thing for me. We had a family health emergency this morning. Thankfully, everyone is fine, but I was on dad and uncle duty, so friendship had to wait a few hours.

This weekend, I went to see my friend’s band play.

We’ve all been invited to this kind of thing before: A friend’s band, their marathon, their kid’s recital, the dreaded improv show or dear God...the ONE MAN SHOW ;) Somewhere along the way, “going to see your friend’s band” became shorthand for an obligation you’d rather get out of. Will it be good? How long do I have to stay? Can I say I already have dinner plans?

At some point during the show, my friend Brad looked out from the stage, saw me and gave me the nod. You know the nod. It lasts half a second and nobody else notices it, but you know exactly what it means: You came. I see you. Thank you.

I wrote about this last year, but it’s something I keep relearning: friendship doesn’t run on motivation. It runs on duty. If you wait until you feel like driving 40 minutes to see someone’s band, standing on the side of a marathon route or sitting through a UCB show, you’re going to miss a lot of things that matter to people you love.

Sometimes you go simply because you’re their friend. Then they spot you in the crowd and give you that little nod, and you remember why you came.

The nod is the reward for doing the thing you almost talked yourself out of.

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👥 The Friend

The Summer Friend.

Brad is that guy for me. A few years ago, we rented his house in Sag Harbor and somewhere along the way, we became buddies.

We barely speak during the year, but every summer we pick right back up. I swing by his house, he invites my kids on his boat, we hang out, and yes, when his band plays, I go see his band.

I think we underrate these friendships because they don’t fit our usual definition of closeness. Some friends belong to a particular place or season in your life. That doesn’t make the friendship any less real.

⚒️ The Fix

Go see your friend do the thing.

The band. The marathon. The triathlon. The golf tournament. The play. Their kid’s recital...and yes, improv...the shows are usual under an hour. You keep saying, “I’ve gotta come to one of those.” It's time.

We all know someone we could go see but haven’t. Think of one person in your life who has a thing, ask them when the next one is and put it on your calendar.

I don't just say because I'm someone who spent a lifetime on stage performing to sometimes very sparse crowds! I'm quite positive I know what I'm telling about the emotional impact of it is true.

They won’t forget that you showed up. Years later, they may not remember much about the day, but they’ll always remember seeing you there.

🍑 The Reco

Friday Night Traditional.

That’s Brad’s band, and one of my favorite songs "Friend of Mine" is about friendship, so obviously I’m biased and it's dedicated to his dad who passed away, so of course, that hit's me hard.

My other favorite is “We're Too High,” which tells the true story of Brad and his dad moving to New York from Alabama in a U-Haul. They made the unfortunate decision to take the Southern State instead of the L.I.E., and if you’re from Long Island, you already know how this story ends.

They shaved the top two feet off the truck.

Quite a welcome to New York for two guys from Alabama.

Until next Monday,

Matt Ritter​
​The Friendship Guy

“Friendship is the original life hack.”

🎧 Listen to The Buddy System on Audible​

⏩ Forward this to an old friend you want to reconnect with. They can join the Friendship Challenge here.