“Be the friend people don’t have to downplay their happiness around.”

(2-minute read)

Reader,

Who’s the first person you call when something good happens?

Maybe you didn’t have to think very hard. There’s someone you can call before you’ve figured out how to sound appropriately humble.

Now the more interesting question: Who calls you?

🤝 The Friend

When I found out my TEDx talk had been selected as an Editor’s Pick, I called my friend Cesar. [btw -it's now over 70k views in less than a week, if you haven't seen it you can watch it here.]

He’d helped me craft the speech. He knew the work that went into it, so I didn’t have to explain why it mattered. He’d been part of it before there was anything to celebrate.

We talk a lot about having friends who answer when things fall apart. But there’s something special about knowing exactly who to call when things come together.

And yet, we hold back. We don’t want to brag. We know our friend is having a rough week. We decide we’ll mention it if they ask.

Eventually, someone who loves us finds out about a big moment in our life from Instagram. Along with a guy we met once at a conference. I decided about a year ago that didn't sit right with me.

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🛠️ The Fix

The mistake we make is assuming good news takes care of itself. We hear “I got it!” and figure our friend already feels great.

But our response helps determine whether they’ll want to tell us the next time.

Give their happiness a little room. Ask how they found out. Ask what they’re most excited about.
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Bonus Tip: Before offering advice or sharing your own update, let them enjoy being the person with the good news.

And if you’re the one with something to share, make the call. Let your friends have the pleasure of being happy for you.

You don’t have to wait until you need support to reach out.

🎯 The Reco

Start your day with one easy wins. And count it.

If you've been reading this long enough you know I'm a James Clear acolyte: I habit stack mine before 6 am: a mini workout while my tankless water heater warms up, a cold shower, and a gratitude list while I’m in there, makes the suffering tolerable.

Three wins before I’ve even gotten dressed. None requires a major achievement or someone else’s approval.

Pick one small things you can repeat. Give yourself a little credit on the board before opening an inbox full of people requesting more. I find it helps get through some of the harder days knowing I picked up one early win.

See you next week,
Matt Ritter

The Friendship Guy

“Friendship is the original life hack.”

🎧 Listen to The Buddy System on Audible​