“The fastest way to make someone feel like they belong is to let them help.”

(2-minute read)

Hey Reader,

Last weekend, we had a bunch of friends and their kids over for a pool party.

When everyone left, I walked outside already deciding how much of the cleanup could reasonably wait until morning.

But the pizza boxes were gone. The trash had been collected. The place was basically clean.

I was genuinely confused.

I had hosted a party and somehow ended up with a cleaner backyard than I have on most normal Sundays.

Our friends had quietly taken care of everything.

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👥 THE FRIEND: The Cleanup Crew

My wife and I always use to assume being a good host means doing everything ourselves.

The house should be ready. The drinks should be cold. The food should appear looking like a page out of Ina Garten's cookbook. Somewhere along the way my wife made the call to change that up.

Because it is ridiculous. And it wasn't serving us. So she made it known, you come, you hang, you help.

Here's what her tweak was really about beyond just that annoying extra time cleaning alone.

When you make everything perfect for people, they get to enjoy your life. When you let them help, they become part of it.

It reminded me that sometimes my favorite part of an event is the chitchat with friends who help set up early, or stay late to clean. Some of the best friendship happens essentially backstage: moving chairs, standing in the kitchen or cleaning up while everybody else is saying goodbye for 45 minutes.

🛠️ THE FIX: Leave Something Undone

So the next time you host, try this: don’t finish every task.

Ask someone to bring ice. Put a friend in charge of music. Let somebody work the grill or organize the children into something that will allow a few minutes of interrupted conversation.

Contributing gives people ownership. Not just of the party, but of the group.

Stop treating their help like evidence that you’ve failed somehow.

Good hosts make people feel taken care of. Great hosts make people feel like they belong. Helping is the highest form of belonging.

🔥 THE RECO: Mary Poppins or Something YOU haven't seen

My son is doing Mary Poppins this fall, which finally forced me to confront something embarrassing:

I had somehow never seen the original movie.

It holds up incredibly well...the songs, the animation, the humor. Nearly everything except Dick Van Dyke’s incredibly bad accent.

The truly insane part is that it was Julie Andrews’ first movie. Imagine debuting as Mary Poppins, giving one of the most iconic performances ever and winning the Oscar. Very relatable career trajectory.
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So my reco this week isn't necessarily Mary Poppins, but to finally watch the classic movie, whatever it is, that you still can't believe you've never seen!

Until next Monday,
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Matt Ritter
The Friendship Guy

“Friendship is the original life hack.”

🎧 Listen to The Buddy System on Audible​

P.S. Everybody needs the friend who stays late and starts folding pizza boxes. Forward this to yours.