“The most dangerous phrase in friendship is ‘they know how I feel.’”​
​(2–3 minute read)
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Hey Reader,

Last week I almost made a huge mistake.

My buddy Mike, one of my closest friends for 15+ years, got a promotion. I saw it on LinkedIn. Liked it. Thought, “Nice, good for Mike.”

And then I almost kept going.

I was already onto the next thing. Emails, kids, whatever was in front of me.

But I called him. Because I'm trying to practice what I preach. I've already had a lifetime of messaging people "Happy Bday" on Facebook.

Told him I was proud of him.

He paused and goes, “Dude…you’re the only person who called.”

It was a 1 min convo but that response stayed with me. That's all it took for me to be the apex friend this week.
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👥 THE FRIEND: The Stuff We Don’t Say

After Matthew Perry died, a lot of what came out later wasn’t dramatic.

It was how normal everything felt right before.

Jennifer Aniston said they were texting the day before. Just joking around. She called him “Funny Matty.”

There was no big moment. No sense it was the last conversation.

That’s the part that sticks with me.

Because most friendships don’t end with some emotional closing scene.

“They know how I feel.”

I hear that all the time. I’ve said it.

It’s usually about the people you’re closest to.

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🛠️ THE FIX: Don’t Let It End Neutral

Most conversations with friends end the same way:

“Alright, talk soon.”
“Later.”
“See you.”

Nothing wrong with it. But it’s neutral. And neutral adds up.
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Sometimes, the closer the friend, the less we say out loud.

The move this week is simple: catch one of those endings and tilt it.

You’re about to hang up:
“Alright...hey, I always feel better after we talk.”

They tell you good news and you start to move on:
“Just want to say that’s actually a big deal. I’m really pumped for you.”

You’re mid-text and about to send a thumbs up:
“Also, I don’t say this, but I appreciate you checking in like that.”

Same moment. Same conversation.
Just don’t let it land at zero.
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And if someone gets promoted this week, do more than and LinkedIn emoji!

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📖 THE RECO: Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

I read it expecting celebrity stories and, to be fair, there are some good ones.

Like the fact that when Matthew Perry first read for Friends, he couldn’t even take the role. He was already cast in a different pilot — LAX 2194 — a futuristic baggage handler comedy. Not a joke.

He read Chandler anyway and said it felt like someone had written his exact voice. The other show didn’t get picked up, he went back in, and the rest is history.

But that’s not what stuck with me. What stuck was how often he felt alone while everyone assumed he was good.

It sneaks up like that.

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Last week, I almost let a double-tap cover a close friendship.

Glad I didn’t. He didn’t need a like. He needed a call.

—
Matt Ritter
The Friendship Guy
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“Friendship is the original life hack.”

P.S. PopSugar just reached out to me to do an article on my IG post about
"Doorbell Friends," if you didn't catch it, here's the link, I'll share the article when it comes out. Nice to see the word spreading!

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🎧 Listen to The Buddy System on Audible
⏩ Forward this to the friend you’ve been assuming “knows.” They can join the Friendship Challenge here.