"The best part of the night happens after you want to leave."
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​(2–3 minute read)

Hey Reader,
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If you're not already following me on Instagram, it's where I experiment with these ideas in real time.

I’m usually the first person ready to leave.

That may surprise you because I like people. I’m very social. But I’ve got two kids under three, a business to run, and by 9 PM my brain is cooked. My wife and I have a running joke about who gives “the look” first at dinner.

It’s me. It’s always me.

But lately I’ve been trying something small. When I feel that pull to leave, I stay a little longer.

And almost every time, the night changes. Most people leave before it does.
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There’s a version of this I’ve noticed with “pop-ins.”
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When you tell yourself you’re just going to swing by, you don’t really give the night a chance to turn into anything. And most of the time, it doesn’t.

Which is fine—sometimes that’s all the night can be. But if you’re actually committing to something, treat it that way.
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👥 THE FRIEND: The Valet Moment

When I was first starting out in Hollywood, I used to go to events alone.

Just trying to meet people. Shake hands. See what might happen.

One night, I was heading out and ended up lingering by the valet. No real plan. Just… not quite ready to call it.

A producer I had met once pulled up. I walked over, reminded him who I was. He said, “You coming in?" I lied. Acted like I had just arrived. Then followed him inside.

We talked for a few more minutes. Nothing crazy. But at the end of it, he told me to call his office on Monday.

That turned into my first real job in Hollywood...on Duck Dynasty of all things.

If I had left when I planned to, that moment never happens.

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🛠️ THE FIX: The 20-Minute Bonus Round

Next time you’re at something and you feel ready to leave, stay 20 more minutes.

That’s it.

You don’t need to be more interesting or more social. You don’t need a better plan. Just give the night a little more time.
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The beginning of any hang is predictable. You catch up, cover the basics, run through the usual stories. But if you stay, something shifts.

There’s usually a window right after you’re ready to go where things open up.
The room thins out. People relax. Conversations get a little more honest. You leave feeling like you actually connected.

It doesn’t happen every time.

But it never happens if you leave early.

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🍣 THE RECO: Bar Seats > Reservations

My wife and I still try to plan date nights, but most of the time we’re squeezing them in.

Which means by the time we’re free, every decent reservation is gone—and apparently now being resold like concert tickets.

So we stopped playing that game.

We go straight for the bar.

No reservation. No stress. And honestly, it’s better.

We got into Nobu Malibu this way recently. Walked right in, sat at the bar, ended up with better seats facing the ocean, better energy, and a more fun night than we would’ve had at a table.

You talk to the bartender. You end up chatting with the people next to you. You actually feel the place.

It’s less of a production. More of a night.

At this point, I prefer it. (Message me if you're with me on this one, or tell me why you think I'm crazy ;)

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This week, don’t rush the exit.

Stay a little longer and see what happens.

—

Matt Ritter
The Friendship Guy

“Friendship is the original life hack.”

🎧 Listen to The Buddy System on Audible

⏩ Forward this to the friend who always closes down the restaurant with you. They can join the Friendship Challenge here.