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"When something starts working, our instinct isn’t to protect it. It’s to optimize it."

Hey Reader,

If January is going pretty well so far, that’s great.

This is usually the moment people accidentally mess things up.

Not by quitting. By getting ambitious too fast.

We mistake early momentum for permission to add pressure.

👥 THE FRIEND

Early in Steph Curry’s career, the Warriors were confident they had a franchise player.

They were also honest about the risk.

Curry’s ankles were fragile. He could shoot, move, and change games — but his body wasn’t ready for escalation. The obvious move would’ve been to push him: more minutes, more responsibility, more urgency.

They didn’t.

Instead, they slowed everything down. They managed minutes. They invested in boring strength and rehab work. They treated availability as the win.

At the time, it looked conservative.
In hindsight, it looks disciplined.

They knew what they had, so they didn’t rush it.

That’s the part most of us miss.

When something starts working, our instinct isn’t to protect it.
It’s to optimize it.

🛠️ THE FIX

There’s a subtle way people add pressure to friendships after a good start.

Not by demanding more —
but by quietly raising expectations.

One easy catch-up and you start thinking, time to level up!​
One relaxed hang and next time it’s supposed to be better, longer, or more meaningful.

Nothing about that instinct is wrong. It just moves faster than real friendship does.

So for this month, don’t raise the bar. Yes I realize this may sound counter-intuitive coming from me.

But if a friendship rhythm feels good right now, keep it exactly where it is.
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Same format.
Same effort.
Same looseness.
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Just for January or just let it stay easy long enough that it stops feeling like an “event” and starts feeling normal.

Because this part surprises people:

A surprisingly fragile moment in a friendship is right after a good hang.

Consistency doesn’t come from intensity.
It comes from making “seeing each other” feel unremarkable again.

This month, we're improving our friendships by removing the pressure. In February we can focus more on leveling up.

📚 THE RECO

A hack I use all the time — and talk about in The Buddy System — is Buy Two, Build a Crew.

If I’m going to a concert or a Clippers game (Lakers are out of my budget), I buy two tickets.

That’s it.

It forces the invite. It gets something on the calendar.
And it turns “we should hang” into something real.

It works for shows, games, dinners, workouts, anything you already plan to do. So shoot me a note if you try this!

—
Matt
The Friendship Guy

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As always, please share this with a friend. They can sign up for the Friendship Challenge by clicking here.​

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