The February Fallacy


“The moment things really slip is when we decide it’s ‘too late’ to re-engage.”

Hey Reader,

February is a bridge month, you can either use it as spring board for the year or an excuse as to why it's too late.

It’s the month people quietly give up on things. Just a subtle shift into, “Eh, maybe nest year.”

But I actually don’t think February is when things fall apart.

I think it’s when people decide they already have.


👥 THE FRIEND

After the American Revolution, John Adams and Benjamin Franklin drifted apart, even though they once were forced to share a bed during the Continental Congress, true story.

There wasn’t a falling out. No betrayal. No dramatic ending. Life just moved on. Different cities. Different priorities. Time doing what it does.

Years later, Adams sent Franklin a short letter.

No apology. No explanation. Just a simple re-opening of the lines of communication.

That letter turned into a long, thoughtful correspondence that lasted the rest of their lives.

It wasn't a reconciliation. It was a continuation.

It turns out there’s a term for this: dormant ties — relationships that once mattered, went quiet, and still hold more emotional weight than we expect.

They don’t disappear. We just assume they have.



I start every morning by reading Superhuman...you should too! It’s the easiest way I’ve found to stay up to speed without feeling overwhelmed. If you like being informed but hate feeling buried, you’ll probably like it too.


🛠️ THE FIX

So here’s the move this week:

Doesn't have to be quite the level of a dormant tie, just someone that feels like it's been too long.

Do one small re-entry.

Don't think of it as a reset. Or picking things back up. Just a continuation.

Text someone like nothing happened. Show up where you used to. Pick up a thread without explaining the gap.

What feels like an ending is usually just a pause no one unpaused.


📚 THE RECO

Restaurant Week.

It’s one of the easiest social cheats we have.

The menu’s set. The reason to go already exists. You don’t have to plan anything.

You just send the text:

“Restaurant Week — want to grab dinner?”

That’s it.

Sometimes the hardest part of staying connected isn’t effort. It’s choosing where to begin again. That's why each why I hand you a concrete idea to try. I don't know which one is for which of my readers, but I know something will stick.

If something’s been on your mind lately — a person, a plan, a conversation — this is your sign.

You’re not late. You’re right on time. If you want to stay accountable, as always message me the name of the person you're reaching back out to!

Until next week.


Matt Ritter
The Friendship Guy


As always, this newsletter has grown becaus you helped it grow. If you have a friend who could benefit from this, please forward it. They can sign up for the Friendship Challenge by clicking here.

The Friendship Habit

Helping 20,000+ busy adults build better friendships — one small move at a time. From Matt Ritter, co-host of Man of the Year, the #1 podcast on adult friendship and and author of The Buddy System on Audible. Start the seven day challenge today— and make connection a habit.

Read more from The Friendship Habit

"Friendship fails the same way money does: small, untracked expenses." (2–3 minute read) Hey Reader,Thanks for catching this before the weekend! 👥 THE FRIEND Warren Buffett has a simple thought experiment. Imagine you’re given a punch card with 20 total decisions for your entire career.Every yes costs a punch. Once they’re gone, that’s it. It’s not about being afraid to decide. It’s about deciding on purpose. Buffett doesn’t treat attention as unlimited. He treats it as scarce. Friendship...

"When something starts working, our instinct isn’t to protect it. It’s to optimize it." Hey Reader, If January is going pretty well so far, that’s great. This is usually the moment people accidentally mess things up. Not by quitting. By getting ambitious too fast. We mistake early momentum for permission to add pressure. 👥 THE FRIEND Early in Steph Curry’s career, the Warriors were confident they had a franchise player. They were also honest about the risk. Curry’s ankles were fragile. He...

"The hardest part of any habit isn’t starting. It’s deciding it still counts when you half-ass it.”Hey Reader, By now, January has stopped feeling ceremonial. The texts have slowed. The routines feel less impressive. The thing you said you’d do this year is already negotiating with you. That’s not failure. That’s the moment that actually matters. 👥 THE FRIEND Stephen King has followed the same rule for decades: When he’s writing, he writes every single day. He doesn't wait for inspiration or...