Hey Reader,
Proximity is the ultimate friendship hack.
I’ve loved my travels this summer. Paris was romantic. London was an adventure. But as the trip winds down, I find myself looking forward to something simple: my neighborhood.
A few years ago, without realizing it, I hacked geography. My office is in the center of town and I share it with a fellow dad. My basketball league plays at the gym down the street. My kids’ playground is walking distance.
That’s the real hack: designing your life so friendship is built in.
👉 So I'm curious: What makes your friendships feel easiest?
- Living close by
- Having a shared rhythm (work, gym, kids, league)
- Regular rituals (monthly dinner, weekly call)
- Doesn’t matter — the bond always pulls us back
Click your answer and I’ll share the results next week.
👬 The Friend
The Beatles are the perfect example. Lennon and McCartney grew up less than a mile apart. Because they could meet up constantly, they wrote hundreds of songs together before the world ever heard one. Geography gave them the repetitions to turn talent into history. And when George and Ringo joined in (both from the same Liverpool orbit) that proximity turned four kids with guitars into the most famous band on earth.
The Beatles didn’t conquer the world just because of destiny or talent... proximity gave them the chance to practice until they were unstoppable. They were basically the greatest garage band of all time.
Adult friendship works the same way. It’s not about finding the perfect friend. It’s about finding the nearby friend, then putting in the reps to build the friendship you want. Proximity is the starting line.
We like to believe we made our friends because of shared values, personalities, or timing. But most of the friendships that shaped your life? They happened because of proximity: who sat next to you in class, who lived down the block, who showed up at the same gym.
Proximity built your past friendships. It will build your future ones too.
🛠 The Fix
Find your "radius friend" aka, someone within fifteen minutes of your daily orbit.
They don’t have to be your closest confidant right now. But because they’re close, they can become the one who sees you most often, who notices the little things about your week, who gets woven into your daily life.
And just to be clear, this isn’t about ditching your lifelong friends, your childhood BFF, or your long-distance crew. Those bonds matter. But if your day-to-day feels empty, proximity is what fills the gaps.
This week, think of one person nearby but underutilized. Invite them for something low-effort and hyper local: coffee before work, a walk after dinner, a Target run together. These small, repeatable hangs stack up. Over time, that radius friend can become a trusted friend.
If you want to get creative, make a “friendship radius map.” Drop a pin on Google Maps, draw a 15-minute circle, and see who’s already inside. Or do it old school with a paper map. Grid it out, find who’s in box F4, and bonus points if you're old enough to remember when maps lived in the pocket behind the driver’s seat. It might look a little conspiracy-room if someone walked in, but it’s a fun way to remind yourself who’s closer than you think.
✨ The Reco
One of my favorite cultural hacks from Europe wasn’t a museum or a show. It was the neighborhood café.
Culture isn’t always capital-C Culture. Growing up on Long Island, I always felt like ‘real culture’ lived an hour away in the city. Which meant I overlooked the smaller, everyday culture right in front of me. But as a 40 something I've learned to embrace what I call "micro-culture." That can mean the local plays, concerts, or high-school sports games... but also the smaller things: the café where the barista knows your order, the park where the regulars nod hello, the diner where you always end up in the same booth.
In Paris and London, I saw how much these little hubs mattered — they weren’t just places to grab a drink, they were where community lived.
We have these spots in the U.S. too. They’re just not as woven into our culture as they should be. But they’re there if you look for them. Find your version: a café, a diner, a barbershop, even a local park bench. Go often enough that you stop being anonymous.
Micro-culture beats no culture.
And yes, I’m glad to be back where the AC is cold, the ice is plentiful, and the lids on the coffee cups actually work. But the principle is the same: let a place become part of your social fabric.
Friendship doesn’t just live in memories or group chats. It lives where you live.
This week, zoom in. Find your radius friend. Find your radius spot. Build the kind of proximity that makes friendship feel effortless.
And if you already have one, hit reply and tell me: what’s your radius café, gym, or hangout? I’d love to share a few next week.
Matt aka The Friendship Guy
P.S. Re: Last week's poll: The people have spoken: September is the real reset. Birthdays put up a fight, but New Year’s — aka the fake reset — limped in dead last.
