"Looking back, my dad wasn't ordering coffee. He was buying time."

(2-3 minute read)

Hey Reader,

Every Father's Day is bittersweet when your own father is gone.

But having kids of my own has made me realize something I completely missed when he was alive.

My dad always wanted to extend the evening. After dinner he'd suggest a walk, a cappuccino, or some errand that absolutely could have waited until tomorrow. At the time, I never thought much about it. My siblings and I were in our twenties. We had partners, jobs, friends, and eventually families of our own.

It wasn't until years later that I understood what he was doing.

For years, I thought my dad loved cappuccinos.

The truth is, he didn't need a cappuccino. He needed twenty more minutes with his kids.

Twenty more minutes before we headed home. Twenty more minutes before life pulled us in different directions. Twenty more minutes with the people he loved most.

Looking back, my dad wasn't ordering coffee. He was buying time.

Now I catch myself when Brenner asks me for one more lap around the playground and I just want to go home. One more book before bed when I just want to pass out myself.

He's looking for one more excuse to stretch an ordinary moment with his dad...and I'm absolutely here for it.

My dad figured out something I only understand now: more time is the thing we want most from the people we love.

🤝 The Friend

My dad was my biggest cheerleader.

He came to this country with very little, worked his fingers to the bone, and built a life for our family. Like a lot of first-generation fathers, he sacrificed plenty along the way.

But I never doubted he was in my corner.

Every crazy idea I had, he believed in. Long before there was any evidence that he should.

Looking back, one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is confidence. The feeling that somebody believes in you no matter what. I always think about the line he uttered at my wedding when I'm struggling with something: "Dream Big."

🔧 The Fix

One of the reasons losing a parent is so hard is that you lose one of your lifelong believers.

Your parents see something in you before the rest of the world does. They root for you when nobody is watching. They think you're capable of more than you think you're capable of.

You'll probably never find friends who support you exactly the way your parents do.

But if you're lucky enough to find a friend who genuinely believes in you, who roots for your success without jealousy, who reminds you who you are when you've forgotten, hold onto them. Tell them you appreciate them. Give them the extra twenty minutes.

Those people are rare.

🌲 The Reco

Ask one question you've never asked before.

If your dad is still here, call him this week and ask him something you've never asked before.

What was the hardest year of your life?

What were you most afraid of when you became a father?

What did you think I'd be when I grew up?

What's something you wish I'd asked you sooner?

And if your dad is gone, ask the question to your mom, an uncle, a mentor, or someone else who helped shape your life.

Most of us think we know the people who raised us. But we really only know the version of them that raised us.
​
Happy Father's Day

Matt Ritter

The Friendship Guy

“Friendship is the original life hack.”

🎧 Listen to The Buddy System on Audible

⏩ Forward this to the friend who needs it. They can join the Friendship Challenge here.