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"Joy doesn’t need a theory. It needs repetition."

That’s something I’ve learned by paying close attention to what actually brings joy into my life.​
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(2-minute read)

Hey Reader,

I truly hope this season your home feels as joyful as mine does.
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Hanukkah just wrapped. Christmas is in full swing. Our house has been in holiday mode for weeks.

Nine family members staying with us. Kids ranging from 8 months to 17 years old. Which means the chances of silence are basically zero.

We did a White Elephant. Someone bought my son a megaphone as a prank.

At 8 am, I let him take it outside and announce himself as the town bugle.
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We missed the neighborhood caroling so Brenner was our one man band. [If you want to see this hilarious mischief in action, check out my IG]

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I want to say this clearly, because it matters to me.
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I have a joyful life. A joyful family. A joyful group of friends.

I’m not saying that to brag. I’m saying it because it’s intentional. I think about it. I protect it. I build around it.

And the whole reason I write this newsletter is because I want other people to have it too.

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👥 THE FRIEND

There’s a type of friend I’ve come to really appreciate as I’ve gotten older.

The one who’s always game.

For us last night, that was my buddy Tony.

We wanted someone to wear a Santa suit for the kids at our annual holiday party. Tony was the only person I even considered asking. Not because he’s the best actor or the most festive, but because he’s always willing to say yes to the thing that makes the moment better.

He showed up fully committed, the way he always does, and immediately owned the room.

His partner Lauren came as an elf for good measure, which honestly felt like a compatibility test they passed with flying colors.

None of this was required. The night would’ve been fine without it. But having a friend who’s always game changes the entire feel of a night. The kids lose their minds. The adults relax. Everything loosens up.

If you can find a friend like that, cherish them. They’re rarer than we admit.

🛠️ THE FIX

Sometime this week, write down one answer to this question:

When did my friendships feel the most joyful this year?

Not the biggest moment or the most meaningful one. Just the times you remember laughing.

Write a few down, then ask yourself one simple follow-up:
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​How do I get more of this next year?

Usually it’s the same people, doing something familiar, in a setup you could easily repeat.

Joy doesn’t need a theory. It needs repetition.

📚 THE RECO

How Well Do You Know Your Family? — it’s just a card game.

I can never find anything that actually works for all of us, with kids ranging from 8 months to 17 years old. This did.

The questions are simple but sneaky. Stuff like, “If you could compete in a food eating contest, what meal would it be?” or “Which family member do you go to for advice the most?” or “What’s one childish thing you still do?” (Apparently, my nail-biting habit is considered "childish.")

Everyone else guesses, and you learn very quickly what your family actually thinks of you.

That’s where the laughs come from. You’re reminded of what you know about each other, what you forgot, and what you somehow missed despite living in the same house.

Just 45 minutes of laughter and love....and somehow teenagers without their phones.

That’s a win.
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I'll see you right before the ball drops!

—
Matt Ritter
The Friendship Guy
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​"Friendship is the original life hack"
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​As always, I appreciate every share of this newsletter. This is how we spread the message that friendship requires effort. They can sign up for the Friendship Challenge here.​

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