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It’s not just the people you miss. It’s who you were when they were around.”

Hey Reader,

There are now 14,000 of you reading The Friendship Habit each week. That number blows me away. When I started this, I just wanted to help a few people feel less alone. Now it feels like we’re all building something bigger, a community that treats friendship like fitness: something you train, not just talk about.

If this newsletter’s helped you reconnect, you’ll love my new Audible Original The Buddy System — everything we explore here, just deeper.
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🎧 Add it to your Audible library (drops Oct 23 — free with a trial)

Now, let’s talk about what happens when the routines that made friendship effortless suddenly disappear.

👥 The Friend

When astronaut Chris Hadfield returned from the International Space Station, he said the hardest part wasn’t gravity or relearning how to walk, it was coming home to a world that no longer revolved around his crew.
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You don’t need to go to space to get that feeling. You just need to change jobs, move, have a baby, retire or get kicked out of your group chat for not responding for six months.

That's the hidden cost of any major transition. You don’t just lose your title or your neighborhood. You lose the daily collisions that create connection. The spontaneous lunches, the shared frustrations, the people who just get it.

And underneath all that, something even heavier happens: you lose a piece of your identity. The version of you that existed in that context. The mentor, the teammate, the leader, the friend everyone waved to in the hallway, suddenly has nowhere to live.

Most people mistake that ache for loneliness. But it’s not just missing people. It’s missing yourself in relation to them.
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Hadfield solved it by treating re-entry like another mission: with help from his wife, he mapped out how he could serve on Earth the way he once did from orbit: through teaching, writing, and helping others see their world differently.
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If you’ve felt that drift, pause and ask: What part of me came alive in that season and how can I carry it forward now?
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That small reflection can help you weave more of what mattered into the life you’re building next.
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🛠️ The Fix

The key is to start building the new scaffolding before the old one collapses.

• Preload your next routine. Before you move, retire, or change roles, join something new: a class, a group, a pickup game. You can’t wait to feel ready; motion makes you ready.​
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• Design new overlap. If you’re losing the “we see each other every day” structure, replace it on purpose. Schedule recurring calls, shared workouts, or a small accountability group. Repetition is how belonging returns.
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• Carry one ritual forward. Keep one friendship from your old world alive through a small habit: Friday check-ins, monthly coffee, fantasy league. Continuity helps bridge who you’ve been and who you’re becoming.

And if you’re already in the middle of the transition or the old world’s already gone quiet, don’t fret. Friendship doesn’t vanish; it drifts, waiting for someone to pull it back in.
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​Most of us treat our social scaffolding like the foundation of a house: we see the cracks forming and tell ourselves it’s ‘settling,’ when it’s really just sinking into the ground.​
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We're about action here. So reach out to one person you miss and start something new, however small. That single act can start the orbit again.

🎧 The Reco

70 Over 70 — a soulful podcast where people over seventy share what reinvention and connection look like later in life. Some of the guests include: Madeleine Albright, Dionne Warwick and Norman Lear, recorded before he passed.
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A reminder that even in later chapters, connection and purpose keeps evolving and that it’s never too late.

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Thank you again for being part of this growing circle.
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If today’s message hit home, check out The Buddy System - it’s the deeper dive into everything we talk about here: how to build friendships that can survive every season of life.

🎧 Add The Buddy System to your Audible library​

Until next time,
​Matt Ritter​
​The Friendship Guy

P.S. Forward this to a friend who’s going through a big transition. It might be exactly what they need to read today.

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